I don't like debt.
Let me tell you why. Picture it...Sicily. 1933. Nah, just kidding.
Debt had me moving back in with my parents at the ripe old age of 23. My first marriage was over and I had a $22,000 weight on my back when it was all said and done. Let's not forget that I had a new baby and no job. I had just finished college.
Why did I have so much debt you ask? Well, there may have been a car or 2 thrown in there...but if you had asked me at the time, I could not have told you where all that money was spent. Dinners, clothes, shoes...STUFF that I thought I needed. I assumed that because I was now married (way too young, I might add) that I was somehow "supposed" to have certain things. Let me be real here...no one in my family liked my first husband. Some of you can identify with me on this. They tolerated him. They weren't wrong. He wasn't a bad person. We just weren't a good match. Looking back, I think I thought that having these things (and showing others that we had/did these things) meant that we were a grown-up couple and "we" were capable of doing and having all of the things that married folks should. Clearly, I was wrong...but I did get a beautiful little girl out of it, so I'm not complaining too much. My 34 year old self can now see that I didn't think that "we" were enough. I'm pretty sure that I was trying to establish myself as independent from my parents and as one with my husband. I just went about it in an ass-backwards way. Hey, you live, you learn...isn't that how the song goes?
It took years of sacrifice to get myself out of that hole. First, as I said before, I had to move back in with my parents...with a baby. If that wasn't a humbling experience, I don't know what is! I did find an entry level job with a great company, but I had to forgo most of what I earned, that which wasn't going to my daughter's care, to this huge debt. Bonuses, income tax refunds, birthday money. It all went towards the debt. I went for years without buying myself something new. I wore the same clothes and shoes, took my lunch to work and counted the YEARS until I was debt free. I was pretty angry that I had allowed myself to get into this situation. I had about 8 or 9 creditors I was working with. It was too much for me to handle so I joined a debt counseling service, Myvesta.org. They contacted my creditors and set up me up with a payment plan - 1 payment each month. I also recognized that I needed to feel the consequences of my actions, so each month I made myself make my payment at a check cashing place - on the first of each month. If you want to know where the inhabitants of the Island of Broken Toys go to take care of their financial business, visit any check cashing joint in a metropolitan area on the first of the month. That will surely wake you up and tell you where you don't wanna be!
My point here is this: In observing people now, that's my take when I see they are doing too much. You know, buying things that they clearly don't need for whatever reason they can come up with. I know a friend's mother that has three closets full of clothes in her house, complete with about 5 bins of shoes. She often finds herself with too much month at the end of her money. However, this woman will tell you with a straight face that she has nothing to wear. She travels regularly and has explained to me that she can't possibly wear the same outfits from the cruise she took a year ago because the same people usually frequent this trip over and over. Lady: Do you really think people are looking at you thinking about what you wore last year? Do people really care that much about your wardrobe? Is this complicated? Let me give you the short answer: NO. What I have found so far in my short time on Earth is that people don't care about you and your struggles. They are too busy worrying about their own strife. It's not a judgement, its human nature - you deal with what's in front of you and usually that's your own life. It's only your perception of what they think that's keeps you from shopping your own closet.
Don't get me wrong. I am a great admirer of pretty, shiny things. I have wants. Many of them. I just try to evaluate whether or not I can have all that I want right now. Does it make sense, in the greater context who I really want to be, financially speaking, to have everything (and make payments on it) right now? I don't begrudge anyone a purchase. Not at all. As long as you can afford it. As in...PAY CASH for it.
When you find yourself in a situation where you are about to do something stupid with you money, just repeat after me: I am enough. I have enough..and remember the check cashing joints!
