Why is it such an accomplishment to "be yourself"? Shouldn't that be the most natural thing in the world?
Yeah, but it isn't.
Maybe it’s hard because outside forces, however well meaning, make it nearly impossible. It seems that being our true selves somehow hurts those closest to us. Those who love us often have this fixed idea of who we should be and if we fall short, we think that the disappointment will crush them and by extension, us. We've somehow allowed ourselves to be convinced that we are not enough. There is always more that we must do in order to be worthy of love, respect, attention or validation. We have to get better grades, lose weight, be more pleasing. Or, whatever it is we think they might want us to be.
Maybe it’s hard because outside forces, however well meaning, make it nearly impossible. It seems that being our true selves somehow hurts those closest to us. Those who love us often have this fixed idea of who we should be and if we fall short, we think that the disappointment will crush them and by extension, us. We've somehow allowed ourselves to be convinced that we are not enough. There is always more that we must do in order to be worthy of love, respect, attention or validation. We have to get better grades, lose weight, be more pleasing. Or, whatever it is we think they might want us to be.
We squander opportunities out of fear of what “they” might think. Yes, the Nefarious They. Ready to judge us for a single misstep. They are the committee that defines normal and makes
sure that most of us feel like we aren't good enough.
Why aren't we willing to accept ourselves for
who we are? Why is that so
difficult? Why don’t we trust that we
know what’s right for us?
At first, I thought I'd call this post something cute like “5
Ways to be True to Yourself”, but I don’t believe in hard and fast rules - for gravity, yes - not for this. Right now, I’m only sure of the starting
place – not giving a shit what other people think and trusting your
intuition. That’s the beginning. You can make a life out of that. A fulfilling one. Everything else is just details.
One more time: Stop. Caring. What. Other. People. Think. Let’s face it, what other people think about
us has nothing do with us. Not really. It’s their idea of what we should be. Their idea = their problem.
Once you silence the chatter of the outside world, you can start listening to your gut. Your
inner voice yearns to be heard. If you
are not living the life you want (or aren't at least headed in that general vicinity)
that voice is probably one you ignore regularly. Not to get all doomsday on you, but do so at your own peril. Your demise may not be the literal physical one, but it will be felt in your soul. It is the kind of existence where you’re constantly asking yourself “Is this all there
is?”. This question transcends money,
status and all the other surface shit.
The answer to this question is one only you
can answer – no one can tell you who you are meant to be. It’s an alone journey. It is hard as hell and heart-wrenching. You will cry the ugly cry and
question everything you know, but as Joseph Campbell said, “The privilege of a lifetime is being who you
are.”
It's a bonus if you can find your way to be OK with whomever that is.
