“Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own.” - Paulo Coelho in The Alchemist
I love this quote.
A few simple words that encapsulates the truth. We have firm idea about other people – what they should
wear, who they should love, what they should eat and all the rest. It seems so clear with other people, doesn’t
it? What it will take for them to be the
person we think they should be. It’s not
as easy to see what we need to do in our own lives.
Let’s face it: It’s judgment. It’s an ugly thing. It takes our focus off of ourselves – our
shit, our baggage, our problems, our lives and puts it squarely onto someone
else. It’s the easiest road to travel –
sizing someone else up and knowing exactly what they need to do to get their
life in order.
For myself, I decided to let that go. It accomplishes nothing. It’s better for me
to maintain a sense of detachment about others and what could be perceived as
their “issues”. As long as they aren’t
hurting me, I don’t really give two fucks about what other people are
doing. I’m a busy gal – I’m married, I’ve
got two kids, two dogs, extended family, a 9-to-5 and I’m a writer/filmmaker. I’m
busy. ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME.
I don’t have time to worry about if people I know personally
(or even peripherally) are with the wrong person, in the wrong job, fuck up
their money or make any other “bad” choices.
I try to choose not to assign negative values to their circumstances. Instead
I’m grateful that we’ve all been given the free will to do the best we can with
what we know at the time. You can’t live
someone else’s life for them. Who’s to
say you’d be any better at it?
What other people do or do not do have very little
to do with us. It’s them working out
their own shit. Sometimes their shit
intersects with our life, but we still can choose whether or not we get involved.
I’m not trying to come off as uncharitable, as if I
don’t give a shit. I’m not that
mercenary. I just know that people only change when they are ready - not at my behest. When the time comes, I’m here – with an abundance of moral
support. I’m just not in the business
of fixing people (or gently prodding them with my suggestions). Why do they need to be fixed anyway?
Because we love them?
Because they have so much potential?
Because they could do so much better than that
asshole?
Let’s just live and let live. I’ll do me.
You’ll do you. We’ll both be
happy.
