4.18.2016

The Don’t Be Stupid Guide To Winning At Work


  1. If you are sitting in the seat, do the work.
  2. Learn the rules and processes BEFORE you decide that you fundamentally disagree and are going to do it differently.  Check to make sure the processes don’t have any roots in regulatory (read: legal)  requirements before you launch your sit-in.
  3. Do not obsess over and escalate trivial shit.
  4. Learn to discern what constitutes trivial shit.
  5. Snitches get stitches.  Whistle blowers get movies made about their lives.  If it’s not worthy of a movie of the week, keep your pie hole shut and mind your own business. 
  6. There is no ‘right to privacy’ on a work computer or phone.  None.  Expecting anything else is ill-advised. 
  7. If you think something could be done better, don’t complain.  Offer a fucking solution.  If you can’t think of one, shut the hell up until you do. 
  8. Try to solve your own problem before asking for help.  Your own brain should be the first stop, then outside sources.
  9. Leave things the way you found them.  If you found them fucked up, leave them better than you found them.  Specifically, don't just walk away when you flood the bathroom toilet.
  10. Don’t be the asshole that knows that the coffee machine or copier is busted, but won’t put a note on the thing saying so, or call the folks that will help un-fuck it up.