The Wrong Question

"Does this make me look fat?"

I actually had someone ask me this in the last few weeks.  I was a bit stunned.  It’d been so long.  I’d actually relegated that type of question to “olden times”, like someone asking me if I’d like to drink a Tab.  They don’t make those anymore.  I didn’t think people asked those types of questions anymore either. 

Why women, why?  Where's our Girl Power?

I’ve had ladies of all sizes ask me that question - including someone who regularly ran marathons and volleyed between a size zero and a two.  No, insanity does not discriminate.

Yes, it’s in-fucking-sane.  Really.  First of all, it’s a trick question.  Millions of men know this.  You can’t win, no matter what the answer is.  Everything about your response is being scrutinized: how rapidly you answer, the level of enthusiasm and the inflection of your voice.  If it doesn't meet the asking party’s carefully structured criteria, then you have insulted them. 

In my simple mind, there are only two categories for clothes.  Flattering and unflattering.   No body type is exempt.  Some of us have long torsos, others have short legs or broad shoulders.  The combination of attributes is nearly endless.   Even if you’re skinny as a rail, every style will not look good on you.   

I’d like to state for the record that spandex looks good on only 1% of the population.  Read: Olympians.  Anyone who buys or sells spandex outfits to anyone other than for the purposes of performing in an Olympics should at least be ticketed/arrested on a level commensurate with a DUI. Period.

We ask the entirely wrong question when we wonder if something “makes” us look fat.  We should be asking ourselves if we feel healthy or powerful or whole.  We should be asking ourselves if our clothes feel good on our bodies.  If you feel pretty in something, then not much else matters.  

If you feel uncomfortable in your frame right now, that’s fine too.  Start doing the things that will get you there.  Eat healthy.  Exercise.  Meditate.  Stop giving a shit about what other people think.   After a while, you will notice changes, even if no one else does.  

I don’t think we take attitude into consideration nearly enough.  Attitude makes the clothes too.  Body language conveys how we feel about what we’re wearing.  If you’re always tugging or adjusting your clothes (or your hair, or your makeup) that’s a big bright neon sign that you’re uncomfortable.  No es bueno. 

Wherever you can, conduct a little experiment.  Walk down a hallway or a block and pretend, for 30 seconds, that you’re on a catwalk.  Pretend all eyes are on you as you strut through work, or down the aisle in Target.  Feel it, damnit.  You. Look. Fierce.  Own that shit, regardless of your dress size. 

You don’t have to worry about ‘looking fat’, you're too busy looking good.