Developing self-awareness is one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself. Truthfully, I don’t think there’s enough focus on it in stories that are written about a successful life. People will talk forever about hard work, vision and persistence. Undeniably, those are part of the mix, but self-awareness is about being in tune with yourself and your capabilities. It means not wasting time focusing on things you will never be or never do simply because it fits in with some else's vision of what a life should be.
Let’s say you’ve got an incredible facility with numbers and technology. You want to be an engineer. However, you’ve been born into a family circus performers. There’s a place for you in the family business as soon as you’re of age. Your family is counting on you and you don’t want to let them down, but neither your talents or passions lie with that choice. Your family thinks that college is a waste of time and that you’ll end up with a boring life, chained to a desk. What follows are pressures and insults and perhaps not so veiled threats that should you actually leave the circus and go to college, you’ll be on your own. That’s some scary shit. Most people acquiesce under the mountain of pressure, but there are a few that don’t bend, even at the cost of their closest relationships. They know what is right for them. This is an instance of self-awareness.
Accepting who you are and what you need to be happy in this life is nearly equal to having a super power. There are so many messages, coming from everywhere, telling us how to live and what’s constitutes a good life. Being able to ignore them and walk your own path takes courage.
Self-awareness is also being honest with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses. Despite appearances, no one excels at everything. Lying to yourself about what you do and don’t do well is a recipe for disaster. That doesn’t mean you can’t reach for the stars, or push yourself. The point of being self-aware isn’t complacency or a resignation to mediocrity. It is truly understanding who you are and what you can do. It usually involves a dose of humility, because you have to recognize your weaknesses as well - and sometimes that means asking for help. That’s tons better than being a bullshit artist, hoping that you aren't found out as a fraud.
Self awareness has been a journey I’ve been on a long time. I suspect that the discoveries will only end when I do. Every year on this earth, I keep finding out more and more about myself. One of my early gems is that I don’t respond well to needy, clingy people. You know, people that need you to call them all the time or insist that we hang out several times a week just to maintain a friendship. Thinking about it gives me the shakes. I’ve got a busy life and the introvert in me relies my alone time for the sake of my sanity. There was a time or two, earlier in my life, when I hadn’t accepted this about myself. I even thought something was wrong with me, that I needed to change who I am, so I could fit.
Just no.
Besides, I wanted to be liked. Meanwhile, I was uncomfortable and annoyed. I’d countdown the minutes until the interactions were over. Truly, it wasn’t the other person’s fault; it was on me. I was in this situation in the first place, because I was not in acceptance of a basic truth about my personality and was trying to please other people.
I think that’s what self-awareness forces us to do. When you know, in your bones, that a situation, a relationship, a career is not for you (or it is), you can act accordingly without regret or reservation.
Other people may not understand, but they don’t have to live your life, you do.
