A small revelation here: I am a huge fan of the television show Judge Judy.
I appreciate her snappy comebacks, contempt for liars and people who cheat the system. I think it is the best reality show on TV. It's been on for over a decade, so there are obviously still people who don't get it. If you take care of your business (bills, child support, car payments), you will probably never have the unfortunate experience of appearing before her. However, for those that like to live life on the edge, here are a few tell-tale signs that you might end up on the show:
You met your significant other three months ago and you've already lent them $1,500.00. The likelihood of you being on the show increases to about 90% if you loaned them money for bail or child support. Why folks give other people thousands of dollars after knowing them a few weeks, I'll never know, but if someone you just started dating calls you from jail asking for bail money - word to the wise: tell 'em to lose your number and run like hell. From what I can tell, Judge Judy despises people that don't pay for their own bail or children. There's a good chance that you'll win this one.
You co-signed on a car, boat or motorcycle for your boy/girlfriend and you guys broke up. It seems like when you break up with someone, they think they don't have to keep making those payments. I guess when the love is gone, the money goes with it. What I can never figure out is why people co-sign for anyone else. That's just not smart. Every person I've seen on the show says that they co-signed for the person they are suing because they had bad credit and would not have been able to get the loan on their own. Doesn't anyone know what "bad credit" means any more? Hello? It means the person you're trying to help doesn't pay their own bills - either on time or at all. If they've already wrecked their own credit, why do you think they'll be much more careful with yours?
You loaned someone your car and either you don't have insurance or they don't have a driver's license. They are going to get into an accident. That's the law of nature. Then, when they total your car, they'll say it your fault they got into the accident because you a) should have had car insurance and b) should not have let them take your car because they didn't have a license. It's never their fault. Trust me on this one. If you don't have insurance, legally speaking, your car shouldn't be on the road. You'll lose. If the person didn't have a valid license and you didn't know that, you may have a chance here.
You put your boy/girlfriend on your cell phone plan and you're no longer together. Again, not a good idea. This is the worst part: They are now using your phone to call their new special someone. Since you're the lucky SOB that gets the bill, you can see how often they called them and how long they talked! Oh great! They call it a family plan for a reason - you should probably reserve the privilege for your actual family and even then, really think about it.
You loan a family member money. This is worse than chasing after an ex to get your money. Why? Because this is family. You can't get rid of them. You're going to see them next Christmas or at the family reunion picnic. Depending on how far the word is spread, your family may be divided into two camps over this - the people that think the deadbeat should pay up or the folks that think you're being "selfish" for asking for your own money back and you should just forget about the loan. Don't loan anyone in your family money. If you can't afford to just give it to them, well then you can't afford to loan it to them. You can also believe that you're going to be counter sued for "harassment" because you kept calling them, asking for your money. Whether you win the case or not, it doesn't matter, you've still lost.
You're an angry drunk. If you like to get drunk in public often and act like a complete idiot when you do, you've got a good chance of being sued. Either learn how to hold your liquor, drink (and stay) at home or better yet, just don't drink. Inevitably, during one of your tirades, you're going to break a bottle or chair over someones head. They are going to sue you for their medical expenses and pain and suffering (also known as punitive damages). Because you were pretty crocked while the events in question occurred, you're not going to remember what happened, have no reliable testimony and you're going to lose. Judge Judy doesn't take too kindly to out-of-control drunks.
You sign an apartment lease with your boy/girlfriend and they a) were recently released from prison or b) never held as job as long as you've known them. If you're the plaintiff in this case, I don't think you have a good chance of winning. Can one reasonably expect that a recent parolee will be able to secure employment and regularly contribute to household expenses? I mean, a parole officer can only do so much here. Getting an apartment with your boy/girlfriend who's never worked is not an incentive for them to work. It's now an incentive for them to sponge off of you now, instead of their parents. That's probably where you found 'em and that's where you should have left 'em.
You allow your teenage daughter's boyfriend to move into your house. Apparently, this one happens more often than one would think. It's just not a good idea. Period. If this boy is having "problems" at home do you really want to transplant those problems to your house? If he doesn't listen to his parents, why is he going to be a better citizen at your house? Newsflash: He won't and you are setting up a perfect situation for there to be trouble at your house, or worse for your daughter to get pregnant. What exactly do you think they'll be doing while you're asleep...playing Chutes and Ladders? Judge Judy is not going to be sympathetic to your plight, especially after you go into the gory details about how he just sat around your house, ate everything that wasn't nailed down and never paid you a dime of rent. I'll bet $5 that her response will be "That's your problem!"
You get into a fight over a man. You would think it doesn't need to be said, but apparently it does: There is no reason in the world to fight another woman over a man. Your man, her man, who cares? If he broke his promises to you, kick his ass. You'll still get arrested and/or sued for the assault, but at least the rage would have been appropriately directed. If you were the wronged party, you didn't start the fight and you got the worst of the it, you just might have a shot at winning.
I hope this has been helpful. If you ever get a summons to appear on the show, just decline and go to a small claims court that isn't televised... unless you don't care if 10 million people know you're a bum.
