Happy Birthday to me! It’s still hard to believe that I’m turning 35! It actually feels kind of surreal. Don’t get me wrong: I’ll never be ashamed of how old I am. I’m happy to have made it…too many friends did not.
I’ve realized that along the way I’ve learned a few things. I was going to try and do something snappy and call this piece 35 Lessons…for my 35th Birthday, but hell – I don’t have 35 things…yet.
No sense in trying to squeeze blood from a turnip. I was able to come up with 25…hope you enjoy. OK, here goes:
1. You don’t know everything fucking thing. In fact, if you can grasp the fact that what you don't know about life could just about fill the Grand Canyon, the smarter you’ll get.
2. Your life at this very moment is the sum total of all of your decisions. In other words, you are responsible for the state of your own affairs. This is great news because if you did it, you can undo it. Maybe not overnight, maybe not even in six months, but if you don’t like where your life it going you (and only you) have the power to turn it around.
3. Silence is OK. Really. If you don’t have anything to say, it’s best not to speak. There’s nothing worse than someone trying to fill the silence with their insipid yammering.
4. What you want will continue to change. I know this because everything I thought I wanted at 25 I don’t want any more. Not one damn thing. Everything I thought I didn’t want, I actually have and I want to keep.
5. It’s just best, for all involved, if you don’t give a shit about what other people think. When you try to please other people, no good deed goes unpunished.
6. The only way to fathom how much your parents love you is to become a parent yourself. This is also the best way to forgive your parents for their perceived shortcomings; when you become a parent, you’ll see then that you’re no more prepared than they were.
7. Failing isn’t the worst thing in the world. Wallowing in it is.
8. Money cannot buy happiness. But, it can buy me a ticket to Hawaii and that is where I will be happy.
9. You can’t want more for people than they want for themselves. It doesn’t matter how much you love them. It doesn’t matter how many hopeful conversations you have. If they can’t see their potential or are unwilling to get up off their duff to do what they need to do….let it go.
10. Be present in each moment. Life goes by so fast. 35 is here today…next I’ll be 50 and my children will be grown. I swear it was just yesterday that I turned 21. Just be present and enjoy what’s in front of you. Tomorrow will come, but once today is over, it’s gone forever.
11. It’s just best to be grateful for what you have, instead of bitching about what you don’t. Most of us are the “man with no shoes” complaining to the “man with no feet”. No one’s life is perfect, but being alive, walking and talking are plenty to be grateful for.
12. If you don’t have your health, nothing else will mean anything. Take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, curb the bad habits. I’m hoping that 70 year old Shayla will be just as feisty, mobile and have the same amount of teeth as 35 year old Shayla (i.e.: all of them).
13. Live below your means. Since becoming a grownup, I’ve learned that debt isn’t inevitable. You can save up for the things you want. It’s actually a lot nicer this way. If you do use a credit card, pay it off each month. It’s a simple system; if you don’t have the cash then don’t buy it.
14. Forgiveness really is for you, not for them. It sounds trite, I know. It may feel better, at first, to hold a grudge, but letting the whole thing go frees you up to move on to bigger and better things.
15. Don’t take it all so seriously. Looking back, about 85% of the things I chose to get upset about weren’t really worth it. There’s very little that happens in life that you need to stroke out over.
16. The word “normal” is really bullshit propaganda to keep people in line. There is no normal. No one knows what in the hell they are doing. Life doesn’t come with a manual. Everyone, and I mean everyone, is feeling their way through. If someone tells you that you’re weird or strange or crazy, take it as a compliment. It probably means you’ve don’t fit into one of their “boxes” and it makes them uncomfortable.17. Life is far too short to be miserable. So don’t be. Find something that makes you happy and gives your life meaning. There’s absolutely no sense in working a job you hate to buy shit you don’t want to impress people you don’t like.
18. Don’t let other people store their trash in your mind. Folks tell you stuff – gossip, tidbits, secrets, whatever. Not every single piece of information you hear is meant to stay in your head. Sometimes you have to clear out others’ noise, just like you’d clean your house.
19. The only way to get shit done is to do it. Not think about it. Not ponder the meaning behind why it should be done. Just do it.
20. At all times, you are enough. Trying to be someone else is crazy and you just end up making an ass of yourself. Stick to what you know best: YOU.
21. Blaming others does absolutely nothing. Take responsibility for your own life. Somebody did you wrong? No one ever gave you anything, Little Richard? So what? I’ve never gotten a damn thing blaming someone else. You won’t either.
22. Figure out what looks good on you. Wear that. Screw the trends. Skinny jeans? Maybe not. If you wear what looks good on your body, you’ll look good. To confirm, spandex is not for everyone and some people should be under court order to wear a bra.
23. The point of life is not to be fearless. Everybody’s afraid. Feel the fear and do it anyway.
24. There are no real rules. With the exception of the laws of physics and the laws that keep you out of jail, there are no set formulas of behavior you need to follow. You think you’re on a straight path…you find out you’re really on a winding road. You have to find your own way. Other people may not get it. So what? That’s their problem.
25. Common sense never goes out of style. Enough said.
