Youngest Married Mother

You know, when I was in labor – way back in 1999 – all kinds of things crossed my mind.   When my life wasn't flashing before my eyes, I wanted someone to hit me in the head with an ax.

 

Anyway, oddly enough I found myself thinking about the Mother’s Day services at the church I grew up in.  Each year there would be a special portion of the service devoted to honoring mothers, including awards for oldest and youngest mother.  However, there was a caveat:  The award could only be given to the youngest married mother.

 

You know why the mother had to be married? They said they didn’t want to appear to endorse teenage pregnancy.  I know, I know.  There are strict, bible based rules about sex outside of marriage, right?

I also know there are strict rules about abortion and if someone is 16 or 36 and a mother, then they’ve made a conscious to decision to bring forth life, but you don’t get any points for that.  No points for keeping your kid. No points for having the unmitigated gall to show up at church with your kid.  Nope, you can’t win.

As I was getting my ass kicked by contractions the thought of those services made me angry.  Funny thing though, the judgments and rules wouldn't have applied to me.  In fact, if I’d still been going to that church, I probably would have won - I was 23 and married.  But, in that moment, the whole thing seemed so asinine.  

What did my marital status have to do with what I was going through at that moment? 

Not a damn thing.

In all of the things I thought of - things I’d need to be or do in order to be a good mom – not once did being married rank even in the top 100.

I hadn't thought about it for a long time, and then I was on the web and saw an article about The Perfecting Church in Detroit.  There’s an upcoming special service for blessing the children in the congregation.  When one of the parishioners called to discuss the service with the church office and it was revealed that she was unmarried, she was advised that Pastor Marvin Winans won't bless children born out of wedlock.

What the hell? I thought church was supposed to be a place of acceptance and mercy; this is just cruelty and judgment.  It’s high-brow form of slut shaming – because let’s face it, only sluts give birth to children out of wedlock, right?

If these mothers have committed a sin, hasn’t God already forgiven them?  Why the continual punishment?  How long does this go on?  How much blood does a harlot have to give before this isn’t hanging over her head?

You wanna know where I'm going with this?   I'm calling bullshit.  

Any church that would condone treating other human beings like second class citizens should be ashamed of themselves. I'm saying that the women in Pastor Winan's church should be outraged and calling him to the carpet.  

Singling out a particular group of people and using God as your weapon of choice, it's a slippery slope.   

One should tread lightly.