Dear Friend,
To start, I need to tell you that I am passionate about women.
Our issues, struggles and triumphs are important to me. It pains me to see women who don’t know how fierce they truly are. It adds insult to injury when women visit their insecurity on others. When we cause each other grief because of our own issues, that’s a problem.
It has got to stop.
Please, for the love of all that is holy, stop visiting your bullshit on other people because of the emotional wasteland you call your self-image.
If there are things about your life that you think you need to work on, work on 'em. If you’re broke, lonely and overweight with absolutely no prospects for the future, who's fault is that? You are 100% responsible for your life.
It's a complete waste of your energy to feel jealous of what other people have or do.
I have a friend that’s married to a man with an ex-wife whose blatant insecurities color all of their interactions. They’ve been divorced for over 15 years, but he remarried first. That was just too much for her. They married and divorced pretty young. When they parted ways, the woman moved back in with her mother. She’s still there. In the 5 years they’ve been married, my friend and her husband have purchased a home, gone on vacations and have a nice family life where everyone gets along. The ex's behavior screams that she resents the hell out of this. She acts proprietary over the children. Every event (birthdays, Christmas) is a competition. She consistently over-promises and under-delivers presents and excursions. Every time they have to get together for one of the kids’ events, the woman makes it a sport to ignore my friend – making it uncomfortable for the kids, who love their stepmother. In case you were wondering, the ex never remarried. At this point, it’s just plain sad and the ex looks completely pitiful. Will she stop the crazy antics? Not likely. She's so bitter and dissatisfied with her life that she can't see that she has had the power to change her situation the whole time.
All I’m saying is this: There’s no need act out. If your life doesn’t resemble anything close to what you want, fix it. Stop bitching and moaning about what other people are doing and what other people have. Who cares? Wrapping yourself up in others lives does nothing to improve your situation.
You know what will work? Getting off your ass. You need to lose weight? Eat less and start moving more. The bane of your existence is not finishing college? Well, unless you’ve started an accredited higher learning institution inside your mind, you’ll need to actually enroll in a class – one at a time if you have to. Grow up. Other people’s successes are not predicated on your failures. Life isn’t a zero sum game. You’re not going to get anywhere just wishing.
If another woman is doing well for herself (read: you think she’s doing better than you), don’t make it your business to say nasty things to or about her. Take care of your business and everything else will take care of itself. Become so engrossed in your own journey that you don't have time to wonder about others.
Please don’t be one of those ladies that says this about other women:
“She thinks she’s better than me.”Ugh. That's the worst.
Word to the wise: NO ONE THINKS THEY ARE BETTER THAN YOU. You wanna know why? Because no one is thinking about you. The only person that thinks "they" are better than you is YOU.
Maybe that's not you. Maybe you think people are "hatin'" on you.
I'm going to let you in on a little secret: They're not.
If you think you have a legion of haters at your job, your church, temple, ashram or synagogue, you are wrong. Other people aren’t worried about you. Life isn’t that personal. People don’t go around cataloguing what you are wearing, driving, buying, where you go and what you do, unless you're a celebrity. If you are Joe Schmoe, just trust me on this: They. Are. Not.
Most people are focused are their own lives, keeping up with their own information and activities and are much too distracted to worry about what you’re doing. If someone is really and truly tracking your every move, then they are just as sad and insecure as you are - because you're looking at them looking at you.
Just live your life. Do your thing. Haters will hate. Players will play. It still doesn't have to mean anything in your world. Find your peace. Make a meaningful life for yourself. Please believe me when I say, if you do it, everything else will fall into place. I promise.
With Love,
Shayla
