Do
you ever think about your feelings? You
have feelings and you feel them – whatever they may be, but do you ever
consider the reason behind them? Why do
certain things make you happy and others…not so much?
I
think that we've been conditioned to certain feelings. Our parents and society train us on what’s
acceptable. It’s not all bad. A society needs a certain sense of order to
function property. For the sake of
safety, we all need to buy into the idea that a red light means ‘stop’; but it
goes way beyond that. We’re told what is
beautiful or smart or good. We’re also
conditioned to judge and discard anything deemed to not fit into those pre-determined categories.
Many
are under the misguided assumption that feeling a certain way about one thing
or another means it’s the Truth – yes, with a capital T. Problem is, that what most people don’t know about
any given thing could just about fit into the Grand Canyon.
For
instance, people have standards for cleanliness. Some are neatniks that won’t let an empty
glass sit in their sink for 5 minutes.
Others let the dishes pile up, choosing to only deal with them once a
week. On its face, there is nothing
wrong with either scenario. It’s a
matter of preference. However, for those that are driven strictly by
their feelings, being in the space of someone who is their polar opposite on
the cleanliness spectrum can cause discomfort and judgment. All because of feelings about what
cleanliness means and what it says about a person’s character. These feelings are usually informed by the
way we grew up – it’s not something we came up with on our own.
White
supremacists feel that anyone who isn’t
of pure Aryan blood is inferior. That
don’t make it true. It makes it an
opinion. A strong one to be sure, but it’s
still an opinion.
Opinions
are like assholes: Everyone has one and
no one thinks that theirs stinks.
We've all been the victim of someone else’s opinions, which is why it is my general
practice to not give a shit what other people think – with a few careful
exceptions.
Someone
I love (and who had been a member of my exceptional group) recently told me
that they couldn't stand to look at my tattoo (I recently got one to
commemorate my magical 39th birthday) because it made their skin
crawl.
Um…okay.
I hadn't asked this person’s opinion; my tattoo could be seen simply because I
was wearing something sleeveless.
Ok.
Back to my story.
I
let that information sit with me for a few moments. I waited for that warm sensation that usually
manifests when someone goes for the jugular.
It didn't come. My feelings weren't hurt (not giving a shit in general about what people think can shield you from
some heinously specific shit when you least expect it)…but I did get pissed in
the next minute when this same person shrugged their shoulders and said “Well,
that’s just how I feel.”
What
the fuck? Oh, I see – that makes it all
OK. Still, no warm feeling, but those
additional six words created a volcanic storm.
Breathe in. Breathe out.
Let it go, Shayla. Just let it go.
That’s
the second tier lunacy: On top of
thinking that having feelings about something makes it absolute and credible
truth, turns out that under the auspices of that convenient premise, it also
means that feeling a certain way gives one full license to air out those
feelings.
I
see…
It’s
just not smart to apply the First Amendment to interpersonal relationships. Having the right to do something doesn't mean
we should exercise that right indiscriminately.
According to the Constitution, we all have the right to bear arms. That doesn't mean that every American over
the age of 18 that can survive the scrutiny of a waiting period should own a
gun.
I
think and feel all kinds of shit at any given moment, but that doesn't mean I
unburden myself without further thought.
Making that your modus operandi is an express ticket to the Island of
the Friendless.
It
makes you a complete asshole – but hey that’s just how I feel.
